Does anyone else wonder if Mitt Romney is starting to feel like the last kid always picked in a neighborhood pick-up game of football? We went through Bachmann, Perry, Cain, and it seems we may be sending Gingrich back to the bench for the new kid Rick Santorum. Yet, there stands Mitt Romney, all alone in front of everyone, pretending not to notice that everyone else is looking everywhere but at him hoping some other kid is going to round the corner and save them from having to pick him.
It’s not as if they haven’t tried to play with Mitt before. A few years ago he was finally picked to play on Massachusetts’s team. He insisted on playing quarterback, so they let him. What did he do on the first play of the game? He took the snap, turned around, and ran into his own end-zone. He spiked the ball and did a little dance as the rest of his stunned team mates watched. Mitt didn’t care if he scored a 2 point Safety for Kennedy’s team. Mitt just wanted to be able to say he scored. Even after Ted Kennedy himself came over to share a victory belly bump, Mitt still didn’t get it. Worse, he decided he was too good for Massachusetts’s team and walked off the field leaving them 2 points down. After all, he was the only one on the team who had scored a point. What use were the rest of his team anyway? He decided he was going to go pro.
News travels fast in the neighborhood and all the kids are very wary of Mitt. They don’t want to pick a kid who they may have to tackle before he scores for the other team, again. But that’s not the only reason they don’t want to pick him. Mitt knows the rules of the game. He knows how it is played. He just has a natural ability to trip on his own two feet. No hand-eye coordination. No natural instincts for the ball. Mitt also hates to get tackled. He always has a laminated signed note from his mom, Ann Rubin, stating no one is to tackle Mitt or even look at him cross. Someone once made the mistake of tagging him too hard playing Tag a few years back. Mitt’s mom was right on the phone with that kid’s mother screaming that her son should have shown her Lil’ Mitt more respect.
All the kids have done everything they could to get Mitt to not want to play football again. They offered him anything he wanted. From official Head Coach down to cheerleader so he could still be part of the game. Both positions he would be good at. But Mitt refuses. He still has it in his head that he is the best damned quarterback in the country right now and he should be a lock for neighborhood M.V.P. He thinks the rest of the kids a suck compared to him. Heck, he doesn’t understand why anyone else would even play if he is on the field. He’s the only one with a proven ability to score. Plus, he has a great ability to make the opposing teams like him.
The neighborhood kids are starting to get worried now though. Fewer kids are showing up to play on Saturdays. Word gets around as it always does. Take Newt Gingrich for example. He was starting to get good at the game and kids were picking him more and more as their first pick. Rumors have it that Mitt and his moms hated Newt and started a whisper campaign saying Newt actually hates football and loves soccer. They talked about Newts girlfriend; said he got cooties from her. They started saying Newt actually hated his late Uncle Ronny; a local high school sports hero who did go pro. Even Newt’s Aunt Nancy and his cousin Mike had to come out and say that wasn’t true. Almost everyone knew it was a lie. The list goes on. Now people are wondering about where those rumors started about the Cain and Perry kids. So now no one wants to play anymore if Mitt or his mom is involved. Some of the kids have even been talking about finding other friends to hang out with. There’s this group of kids in the working class part of town who call themselves the Tea Party and they are playing football the old way. Anyone can play and its tackle football only. No special rules for anyone. Come as you are. No pansies allowed. Some of the kids invited the Tea Party kids to play with them here a few months ago but Mitt’s mom called them a bunch of uneducated losers who didn’t respect how the game of football was played in her neighborhood and told them all to leave so she could go back to her Bridge club, mint juleps, and not have to worry about Tea Party rabble-rousers roughing up Lil’ Mitt or touching her Lexus.
If Gingrich can’t make it back, it looks like the kids are going to pick Santorum as the quarterback. Barring a couple of other kids who have been out of town for a while showing back up, it looks like this Santorum kid may be it. The final kid before someone is forced to pick Romney. If that comes to pass, I will bet you plenty of kids are just going to go across town and play with the Tea Party or just stay home and play Xbox on Saturdays from now on.
All is not lost though. Some of the neighborhood kid’s parents are seeing how Mitt and his mom are creating havoc in the usually quiet cohesive neighborhood. A few friends of Ann Rubin have been hinting that maybe she should just tone it down a bit. They have to do business with the Tea Party kids parents and they are having a hard time making deals while defending her remarks. Some of the Tea Party kid’s parents are friends and family as well. It’s getting uncomfortable at the hair salon and barber shop. No one is talking anymore. Everyone is on eggshells. They also count on these Saturdays for the kids to be out of the house so they can get house work done or nap a few needed hours. They don’t want to jeopardize that. Its bad enough they are working late and going in early trying to keep up with Obama’s “New World Order”. A few hours without kids is a very rare and expensive commodity if you have to pay for it.
Lil’ Mitt Romney isn’t a bad kid. He is decent, bright, and good looking. Just one look at how he turned a local bake sale into a multi-million dollar revenue generating company and you know Lil’ Mitt is going places. He just needs a little guidance. Some have suggested a military academy to put some meat on his bones, knock some of the lace and bubble wrap off, inject a little reality into his sheltered world.
Maybe then he comes back as the next Ronny. Who knows? That wouldn’t be such a bad thing now would it?
He is just a fat guy in Maine.
bbartlog
too bad the money is standing as an help or an obstacle to back up a deserving CANDIDATE,
as oppose to a lesser CANDIDATE with full acces to any money he need to destroy his own brother in arms.
bye