If we are to win the hearts and minds of the people of Afghanistan, cultural sensitivity training is vital for our Marines:
So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.
“Audible“? So does this mean if a young Marine attaches a suppressor (silencer) to the end of his rectal cavity, he’d be good to go?
The mechanism of the action occurs as follows:
The noises commonly associated with flatulence are caused not by a flapping of the buttocks, as commonly thought, but by the vibration of the anal opening. The sound varies depending on the tightness of the sphincter muscle and velocity of the gas being propelled, as well as other factors such as moisture and body fat.
I’m sure, given the proper amount of Pentagon-funded research, scientists and engineers can come up with an anal flatulence suppressor that will prevent any warning sound of hazardous smell coming out of our fighting men and women. This is why we simply cannot afford cuts in defense spending, at this time.
Personally, it’s the smell and not the sound that puts me into contortions, but I digress…
I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.
Our Marines are professionals….the best and brightest among us. They understand the meaning of “self-discipline” and “self-control”…
They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).
But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.
Agreed! How could Afghanistan soldiers fighting alongside our Marines against the Taliban not feel common bonds of comraderie and friendship deepen through mutual humor:
So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.
The war in Afghanistan is as good as won, folks! What other military in the history of civilization has been more civilized at waging it than we, the United States of America?
Excuse me while I exit this post for one moment…
Hat tip: Laura Ingraham
A former fetus, the “wordsmith from nantucket” was born in Phoenix, Arizona in 1968. Adopted at birth, wordsmith grew up a military brat. He achieved his B.A. in English from the University of California, Los Angeles (graduating in the top 97% of his class), where he also competed rings for the UCLA mens gymnastics team. The events of 9/11 woke him from his political slumber and malaise. Currently a personal trainer and gymnastics coach.
The wordsmith has never been to Nantucket.
I fart in your general direction!
@Rob in Katy:
You beat me to it!
We have GOT to get out of Afghanistan, unilaterally, all at once, as soon as possible. Otherwise we loose more people, spend more money and reinforce the view of the locals that we are very stupid as per the rules of engagement. Such nonsense is very counter productive. Strength is all that is respected there and fear is the only thing that has ever allowed a world power to survive, not admiration, not love, and certainly not a high regard for the civility of it’s soldiers.
I would compliment Wordsmith on a fine piece of satire, but, if the situation itself is satire incarnate, is it really possible to write satire about it?
Going to ruffle some feathers here: I believe that our boys and gals in the military should only be used like those fire alarms, only break the glass in severe emergency when your only wish is to rain hell-fire and destruction down on the enemies of this country. They should NOT be used as cannon fodder between two sides of an argument, both of which think we should all submit to their god either though peaceful or violent means. If you wish to make nice, send the Peace Corps, our Military should be only used to drive the point of the argument six feet under and drive it down hard. Well, OK, there is another time, when we wish to draw a line and make the point that if you cross said line, we will rain hell-fire and destruction down upon you so hard three generations later will still be feeling the pain, then you can use them, other than in case #1. That said, if we do pull that trigger, every single American should be paying some price so that our kids fighting for US have the best and baddestassed hell-fire raining mother-effing machines of war possible. This 10 year morass crap has got to stop where we just keep piling the bodies of our youngsters and oldsters up because someone is afraid of fallout, if you cannot take the fallout you should not be Commander in Chief, or you should not be putting our people in the middle of it, whether you are red, blue or purple. And? WTF, if we are killing Taliban in the ME, why are we allowing some 30 odd bases of them here inside our US Borders, shouldn’t they be the first ones that we kill? We have allowed Black and White to become all confused and it really isn’t.
One of these days I will tell youes guys how I really feel 🙂
Ps: AJ’s latest post just popped up in my email, I think that I just broke some of his rules…
@Rob in Katy:
Amen X 10
@Rob in Katy:
I completely agree, Rob. Our biggest mistake in Iraq was not that we went in. It was that after Baghdad, everyone in DC seemed to become all wimpy in regards to what to do next. We should have kept the pressure on and locked down the entire country. There’s plenty of time to be “nice” later, when all the bad guys are gone.
Ever wonder why Japan gave up so quickly after the two bombs were dropped? It wasn’t that we used nuclear weapons. It was that we showed a willingness to obliterate their entire country if need be, regardless of weaponry. That is exactly what we didn’t show in Iraq or Afghanistan.
It seems like everyone in the military heirarchy has gotten out their copy of how to win hearts and minds of the population circa 1965. It worked so well in Vietnam lets put it back into use.
Farting actually is a no-no once someone has begin getting ready for any of his 5 prayers a day in Islam.
Once you begin to wash (with DIRT or water) and change clothes and all that stuff called abulation you are not supposed to fart.
IF you do fart you must begin getting ready again from the start.
AND you are not to fart during prayers either.
(I don’t know what the penalty is, though.)
I’m just saying this so people will understand how sensitive observant Muslims are to farting in their daily lives.
@Nan G:
No premartial fooling around, no alcohol…and no farting. No wonder some of them are so angry.
They beat their women, maybe another custom we should respect?
@Nan G: I’m always looking for a business opportunity. This is perfect! Sell Halal Beano to Muslims!
Nan G: you are good, very good and your kungfu is very strong!
You know, once upon a time, it was impressed upon me as a bright young lieutenant that YOU NEVER GIVE AN ORDER YOU KNOW WON’T BE OBEYED. Let alone CAN’T. Try not farting after eating MRE’s for a couple of days. We’re talking MOPP 4 in the LVTP, baby.
Someone needs to find the Perfumed Pentagon Prince who came up with this one and shitcan his ass, then issue a blistering spot OED to every spineless “officer” who passed it on down.
How do the Afghans feel about queefing?
the best solution is, if you have AFGHANS around close, and you need to fart, just shoot them at the exact instant, so they wont reprimand you after.
and them say excuse me for farting so loud
well I want to know who was the “GAS BAG” that thought that this was a good idea ???
More Obama regulations…..he’s constipating this country!
@Nan G:
As HR pointed out, no wonder they are so pissed off all the time…
.
.
@Rob in Katy – you are so, so right.
(And you live in Katy – where I have family! GOD bless Texas!)
This is just so stupid, and an outright insult tour our warriors. What about these Afgans, who abuse little boys, or girls sexually, cutting off heads etc….That’s ok?
@Rob in Katy, Ever think about running for President? America needs you. ilovebees might be willing to run on the ticket with you.
Arrow, hi,you always come up with a good booster for AMERICA’S LOVERS,
TO GO ON, and believe in the future where good will will take over hate and division,
now we are beginning to see the BLACKS REUNITE WITH THE WHITE TO LOOK FOR A BETTER AMERICA,
that is a big new advance toward the end goal to become the forces to eliminate the destructive forces at work now,
bye
Let me get this straight: People who crap in their own streets are complaining about our farts?
And on a serious note….
House Amendment # 318, which amended, HR # 1540, The National Defense Authorization Act, 2011, had passed. The language in the amendment is as follows:
“An amendment numbered 38 printed in House Report 112-88 to require that the rules of engagement allow any military service personnel assigned to duty in a designated hostile fire area to have rules of engagement that fully protects their right to proactively defend themselves from hostile actions.”
Who voted No on this?
Ron Paul.
More here.
Nan, don’t you know he’s the only man/patriot who can save America? (sarcasm mixed with disgust)
@Nan G: I borrowed that, with full attribution for the thread where kyle was kissing RuPaul’s butt.
Thank you for posting it.
@richard mcenroe:
Let’s not forget how they wipe their butts. Left handed rule…
We should also mention the Afghani penchent for buggering little boys. Anal gonorrhea ? No big deal, but don’t you dare fart out loud…
Andrew C. McCarthy, who wrote The Grand Jihad: How Islam and the Left Sabotage America, has a three page article up called, Losing Malmo….And Brussels, and Rome, and Amsterdam . . ..
In it is why Obama has us on the same track to lose as much of the USA as Muslims here can gain control of on his watch.
Let’s just hope Obama is gone in 2012 and we can stop this foolish course them reverse the damage.
I worry the Europeans have waited too long and will never be able to regain their lands.
@Rob in Katy:
I like it best when our guys go in armed to the teeth and no one has to holler lock and load cause that was done some time back.
A dead enemy will not bother you after you have passed him, seems to be a problem these days as we keep letting them live.
@Thomas, next time you are in town, we should shoot for a beer, probably won’t disagree much on politics 🙂
@Old Sarge, dang tooting! They won’t lie either…
@Rob in Katy:
Yep, if I get down that way. I am about to hop over the 65 mark and don’t much like to travel, though I would like to see our military better supported and they can park those rules of engagement where it will do the higher ups the most good.
I am tired of hearing about Marines with empty rifles and don’t shoot, restrictions.
In WWII, we won because we fought, since, we seem to be expected to be nice, can I be nice after they are dead.
I am retired from the USAF so I did not begin to have it anywhere as rough as the infantry and the Marines, but I still get real annoyed when the kinder and gentlier lot want our folks to make nice before it is won.
Ole Sarge, good, YOU should come more often,
bye
@Nan G: No problem, I will soon be wrapped around the axle and not sure where I left off, so just keep typing.
Kinda wish I lived up in the great north, around where Skoom, though Canada might be a bit far north for me, they would not like my gun and pistol collection I am sure.
Little gun logic, a pistol is like a spare tire, when you need it, it is to late to go back home and get it.
@Ole Sarge: You said:
Amen to that. My father was in the Marines in WWII, he was in the invasion of Okinawa and saw heavy action. I once asked him if he had any ROE back then. He said, “Yes. Kill the enemy.”
I would much rather have the enemy and the enemy’s country/countrymen respect us rather than like us. Kill the enemy, then help rebuild the country if you want, but not until AFTER the hostilities.
@anticsrocks: @anticsrocks: @anticsrocks: @anticsrocks:
Agree very strongly. Just finished reading a book by a guy name Sledge, it was on the pacific battles, it was brutal, nearly entire Marine out fits were decimated by the end of each island battle. I would imagine the same for the Army.
I have always found it fascinating that our enemies down through recent time have been the most brutal and murderous on this earth with the exception of the Germans. I WWII you were better off dead then captured by the japs, same goes for our favorite rag head collection. Germans weren’t angels, but their conduct with reguards to captured prisoner was head and shoulders above any of our othe enemies.
I would not surrender in the arab states, those folks don’t have pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, but they sure love brutality, torture, and sex with males. first queer nation we have ever had long term battles with.
Some of the male rags were trying to get GI’s to go home with them. It is one very sick culture.
@Ole Sarge:
And in line with that brutality, has anyone heard if we have made any progress toward getting our US contractor returned?
He was kidnapped in Pakistan.
Lots of false rumors swirl him.
Arab press says he is a CIA agent.
Pakistani press says he was released.
Three people had been detained (not arrested) at one point.
No group has claimed responsibility.
No ransom has been demanded.
The man has a Jewish name: Warren Weinstein.