Sunday Funnies

Friday Jun 27 2014
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

A big movie opened. “Transformers: Age of Extinction.” You know, the Transformers — they transform. They are robots in disguise. I don’t know if it will do well. After all these World Cup games, Americans can’t handle any more excitement.

A new show premieres Saturday night on the Learning Channel. If you know anything about me, you know I’m always watching the Learning Channel. I want to learn something!

The Learning Channel’s new show is called “Buying Naked.” It’s a reality show about nudists buying houses. You know the thing about nakedness: People say I want to see you naked and then you see somebody naked and you think, Oh, I spoke too soon. It is better in the concept form.

Monday Jun 30 2014
Jimmy Kimmel Live

Do you remember the smile on the little girl’s face when Frosty the Snowman came back to life? Well, that’s kind of how I felt today when the honorable Mayor Rob Ford returned to the city of Toronto.

It’s always a great day for a city when their mayor comes back from rehab.

We’re now down to the final 38 weeks of the World Cup.

This morning when France played Nigeria, it was the first time an American referee ever officiated a knockout round match. The French won it by a touchdown.

Tuesday Jul 01 2014
Jimmy Kimmel Live

At the World Cup, the U.S. team defied all expectations. They were not expected to get out of the first round. They took the dreaded Belgium into overtime. They call it extra time, but I don’t. It’s overtime.

Unfortunately Belgium won it, which is ridiculous. I didn’t know Belgium was a real country.

You know what they call Belgian waffles in Belgium? Waffles.

It’s hard to lose to a nation of pacifist chocolatiers.

But all work stopped this afternoon when the game went into overtime. Productivity did suffer. I’m sure that happened in a lot of offices across the country. There are no sporting events that increase productivity. It’s not like you hear, “Wow, this U.S. Open makes me want to crank out these expense reports.”

Wednesday Jul 02 2014
Jimmy Kimmel Live

In Iran there’s a TV show, a sitcom — it’s weird that they even have a sitcom. But it’s a rip-off of “Modern Family.” They use Iranian actors and make shot-for-shot re-creations with the same plots and jokes. But their “Modern Family” has no gay characters. The most modern family on Iranian TV up to this point is the Flintstones.

Seven Stones is a traditional game they play in the Middle East where teams compete to build and destroy a pile of rocks. “Seven Stones” is followed by “How I Met Your Mullah.”

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