The Lyin’ King! [Reader Post]

ZatU approached young Prince Obamba cautiously. He was getting kind of touchy lately.

“Young Prince, don’t you think it’s time in the story to go out into the wilderness and gain some experience to get ready to become King of the MAFUSA, the Most AwFul United States of America? To be ready, you should get out there, look at cloud pictures, talk to warthogs, meerkats and baboons, and grow up some.”

“Oh is zat u, ZatU?” said Obamba, distractedly. “Nah, I want to be King now.”

“But, you said in 2004 you wouldn’t have enough experience by now in 2008?” objected ZatU.

“No way, I CAN be King now.”

“You know you’re not REALLY Martin Luther King, right?

“I’m not?” mused Obamba, with some confusion.

“Well, do what you want, but that gang of hyenas you’ve been hanging out with – Fleger, Rezko, Ayers – can’t be a good thing. A real King is supposed to be FIGHTING the bad guys in this story and the evil schemes of that really old lion.”

“It’s all mine now. I was really roaring with that speech, setting the Table at Red Rocks in Colorado last night…”

“That was Invesco Field…and maybe you shouldn’t have quite so much pride before you are REALLY in charge of the pride,” cautioned Zazu.

“Everybody will be talking about that speech for days! I really showed that old warrior lion who’s big and tough and who can rule everything…”

“Well, actually the old lion chose a lioness to run with today and everybody’s been roaring about that. It seems like your speech is now PALIN’ in comparison,” joked the bird.

“All right, go out there and say: That lioness from a bitter small town hasn’t been out to look at cloud pictures; she hasn’t met flatulent warthogs or befriended mere cats, or doggies, for that matter. She hasn’t grown up enough or gone out to the wilderness to gain some experience.”

“Well, I hate to point it out but you haven’t either. And, she has been out to the wilderness. And, she actually did corner and cage a few corrupt hyena politicians and beat some of them in contests. She met no flatulent hogs but she got a big natural gas line running. Unlike you, Prince, she was in charge of a savannah between Russia and Canada and in charge of the Lion Guard and….”

“All right, all right, I don’t care, get out there and give my dissing message!’

ZatU went out and came back quickly looking like a ruffled bird.

“Well, what happened?” demanded Obamba.

“We’re in a bit of trouble, Prince.”

You mean they thought I was being mean-spirited and it made them think of my small town comments and my own lack of experience?”

“Yes.”

“That’s all right. I’ll go out there, blame it on you, and say a bunch of nice stuff about the lioness.”

“But what about your remarks before?” questioned ZatU.

“What do you mean MY remarks? YOU gave them,” Obamba said, calmly.

“You don’t mean sir that I have to….”

“That’s right, get under there, you annoying, squawking bird!” cried Obamba, pointing.

“No not that! Please?!” begged ZatU.

“That’s right! Under the bus! C’mon. Let’s go…..UNDER THE BUS!”

“Oh, all right, I guess I have to.”

“That’s right. I’m King.”

“Well, not yet.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, but I will be VERY soon. And I just can’t wait to…”

“You’re not going to sing, are you? I’m beginning to think that old lion’s the GOOD guy.”

“Oh, ZatU? You’re still under there, ZatU? I forgot all about you. Yes, I’m going to sing all right, just like the King of Pop.”

“You’re not him either, you know.”

“Oh, you’re still there? Maybe not, but I will be soon!”

The whole enormous ensemble comes out on stage for the dazzling production number. EVERYBODY SINGS!

OBAMBA: I’m gonna be a mighty king, so Americans beware!

ASOB (ADVISERS STILL ON BUS): (whispering so Obamba won’t hear)

We’ve never seen a King of Pop

With so little savoir faire

OBAMBA: I’m gonna be the mane event

Like no King was before

I’m brushing up on looking down

I’m working on my roar

Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!

I’ll be saying do this

I’ll be saying go there

I’ll be saying stop that

Don’t talk about Bill Ayers

Socialism’s bright new day

You’ll all be free to do it my way!

ASOB: I think it’s time that you and I

Arranged a heart-to-heart

OBAMBA: Kings don’t need advice

From little people for a start

ANUB (ADVISERS NOW UNDER BUS):

If this is where the country’s headed

Count me out

Community service, out of Chicago

I wouldn’t hang about

The Messiah’s really wildly left wing

OBAMBA: Oh, I just can’t wait to be King!

Everybody look left

Everybody don’t look at Wright

(or the Fairness Doctrine:) don’t look right

Everywhere you look I’m–

Standing in the spotlight

IRAQI TRIP REPORTERS: Not yet

OBAMBA: Let the country go broke and sing

Let’s hear “just words” not future suffering

It’s gonna be King Obamba’s finest fling

Oh, I just can’t wait to be King!

VOTERS: Oh, he just can’t wait to be King!

OBAMBA: Oh, I just can’t wait…Just can’t wait

To be King!

[spoken] Call me Abraham, Martin or John….or Michael Jackson….or have Oprah call me when she’s done crying…