It seems that lately each day brings either a new scandal or some sickening new wrinkle to an existing one. Naturally, this administration does what every administration does, only the Obama White House seems to have turned it into an art form. They spin, obfuscate, deny, point blame, or just lie when they have to. It’s gotten to the point where even his Palace Guards in the mainstream press can’t ignore his scandals, especially since some of them are targeted at the guards themselves. But it doesn’t have to be this way. If the president wanted to he could resolve all of the scandals in a manner that would satisfy conservatives, leave his critics reeling, and make his presidency and ability to push a leftist agenda stronger than ever. If I were the president’s teleprompter’s speech writer, I’d give him something like this to read:
“My fellow Americans, as many of you are aware there are a number of scandals that have come to light recently. Although I have not been personally involved in them, as President ultimate accountability ends with me, and I will now briefly address each scandal individually along with how I plan to remedy each:
Pigford – The Pigford scandal involves paying restitution to black farmers who had been discriminated against by the USDA. Unfortunately I learned by reading the New York Times that this program has been riddled with fraud and abuse. I am having an immediate investigation launched, and in addition to prosecuting those committing fraud, any savings through nullified payouts will be used to restore funds that had been cut due to the Sequester.
Fast and Furious – This was the nickname for Operation Gunrunner, the continuation of a flawed Bush-era policy, only with less intelligence. Forcing American gun dealers to sell weapons to Mexican drug lords without any means to track them, or even any seeming goal in mind is just plain stupid. Innocent people have been murdered by weapons from this program, including one Customs and Border Control agent. A scandal of this magnitude goes up to Attorney General Holder, and he must be held accountable. I’ll speak more about the Attorney General in a few minutes.
Obamacare Shakedown – It has come to my attention that Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has been placing calls to private Health Care companies seeking donations to help promote the law’s new mandates. Given the power she wields over the industry this is an abuse of power at best and possibly extortion at worst. I have asked for Secretary Sebelius’ resignation, and have called for a full investigation into this possible criminal activity.
Benghazi – The attacks on September 11, 2012 on our embassy that resulted in the deaths of four Americans has been mishandled from start to finish. From ignoring the security threats prior to the attacks, ordering stand down orders for potential military reinforcements, blaming the attacks on a YouTube video, the many rewrites of how we would present the story to avoid blame, and now the obfuscation are all inexcusable. While we can’t bring back those who were killed, we can take steps to bring accountability. Rather than a weekend document dump, we are providing a complete, concise list of all of the e-mails involved in the cover up, and former Secretary of State Clinton will be issuing a formal apology to the families of the fallen, as well as to the president of Libya for hurting his credibility by contradicting what we knew was the correct narrative. I can offer no excuses, other than that in the heat of an election campaign it is easy to get caught up in spin and polling numbers and forget that it’s my place to serve as leader and do the right thing. And for that I apologize to the American people. In addition to holding individuals in our own administration responsible for wrongdoing, we must also send a message to those serving overseas as well as their families that they do not need to fear the repeat of such an incident in the future. On that note, our intelligence has identified the responsible parties, who are becoming acquainted with several coordinated Navy Seal teams and drone strikes as we speak.
Attacks on Journalists – This is a multi-faceted scandal, from digging into the AP reporters’ records, to doing the same to Fox News reporters. This has also included individual reporters being either denied access or facing IRS harassment, from a CBS national reporter all the way down to a humble local reporter in St. Louis. Such attacks on the press can have a chilling effect on free speech in this country and can not be tolerated. Personally, as one who has taught Constitutional law, it would destroy my own credibility if I were to tolerate such a blatant attack on the 1st Amendment. Again, Attorney General Eric Holder claims to have no knowledge of the workings behind any of these scandals. While it is impossible for for someone at the top of any organization to know of every activity happening, to claim ignorance over two scandals of this magnitude and the culture that allows them to happen is inexcusable. I have called for the Attorney General’s resignation, and we will launch a full investigation and punish any and all parties responsible.
IRS targeting of Tea Party Groups – Finally, we have seen a gross violation of the Internal Revenue Service’s power in unfairly discriminating against groups simply because they may be opposed to this administration’s objectives. This shows a disturbing abuse of power for partisan purposes, and at a time when public trust in government is in question this is intolerable. I have had placed on leave any and all parties known to be involved in the scandal, and those found guilty will be fired, have their pensions revoked, and banned from public service for life. Lois Lerner, and any employee pleading the Fifth in defense can not and will not face criminal charges for doing so, but are terminated effective immediately. This will sound odd to Washington Beltway insiders, but in the private sector when one engages in unethical and possible illegal activity, the result is usually termination, not a paid vacation and certainly not a promotion. For a group that has the power by law to demand by force transparency to the point of violation of privacy to put itself above scrutiny is unacceptable.
In reaction to this scandal on Tuesday, May 21st a number of these “Tea Party” groups launched protests at IRS offices around the country. While some complained of DHS Security being present to monitor them, this was not the purpose of the DHS presence. During the protests agents raided each of these offices, confiscating the computers and records of any employees being investigated. It is important for the American people to know that such abuse of power will not be taken lightly. And one final note, since the IRS scandal in particular shows a cultural problem in the organization that will not be solved with removal of a few individuals, I have added one additional remedy. Going forward, all IRS employees will be required to go through specially targeted Diversity training, so that they can learn to respect the values of all American citizens, even those with whom most federal employees may have philosophical differences. This training will also include education regarding the Constitution, and the principles that all of our IRS agents should respect.
Who will conduct this training, you ask? We will actively seek out members of those Tea Party groups who were the subject of IRS discrimination. For those groups that do not have trained facilitators to represent them we will provide training for their representatives. Hopefully seeing the faces belonging to the taxpayers rather than numbers will help to improve the culture of the IRS, and dispel this sad notion that diversity can only be skin deep and not apply to ideas (this is my favorite part – BB).
Overall, the events that have taken place recently cast a shadow on this administration, and on the public faith in our government itself. While I have not had a direct role in these scandals, I have had a role in allowing the individuals responsible to assume, and abuse their power. To show the American people that I am serious about improving the culture in this town, effective immediately I am placing on hold all legislation regarding my presidency’s signature legislation, known to some as Obamacare1. We are going to step back, place some measurable objectives in place for remedying each of these scandals, and only when these have been met, whether producing all documents regarding a scandal, disciplining those responsible, or launching programs to improve the culture in Washington and only then will my signature legislation again move forward. The American people know how important health care reform is to me, so this step will show you that I am serious and will be personally involved in remedying each of these situations. In a recent speech I told some recent graduates of Ohio State University that
“…you’ll hear voices that incessantly warn of government as nothing more than some separate, sinister entity that’s the root of all our problems, even as they do their best to gum up the works; or that tyranny always lurks just around the corner. You should reject these voices. Because what they suggest is that our brave, creative, unique experiment in self-rule is just a sham with which we can’t be trusted.”
In my speech I downplayed those who would warn of tyranny at the hands of our government. To make such a speech in the midst of these scandals makes me look at best out of touch with reality and at worst complicit in these scandals. I hope that the actions I take will help to restore the faith of the American people in both myself as well as the office of the presidency. Thank you and good night.”
The beauty of this is that there is plenty here for both conservatives and leftists to like. The appeal for the conservatives is obvious, but the lefties may be scratching their heads. If you’re not seeing it picture how this plays out from the moment this speech ends. Yes, there will be some casualties, and there will be some setbacks to activities that are very near and dear to the Chicago-politics thuggery crowd. But the press would immediately beginning falling over each other to see who can scream “Statesman!” the loudest. An apology and punishment to those responsible will go a long way to restore the faith of the president’s most important constituency, the press. Hillary takes a hit, but it is only a temporary one. This country loves humility and redemption, so in her 2016 presidential run she can use Benghazi as a positive to show how she has learned difficult lessons and grown into a better presidential candidate as a result. The press can go back to throwing out the labels “sexist” or “partisan” like hot dog vendors at a ball park when the inevitable criticism comes from her Republican opponents. The story would completely shift away from any activities concerning the attacks themselves and the press could make it about her critics, as they so love to do with this administration.
As for the president himself, while admitting to mistakes gives his credibility a short term hit, showing a sincere apology and acts of punishment to those responsible would make it easy for the press to sell him as a tough minded reformer (forget that it’s his own culture he’d be reforming), and that any Republican criticism on these issues going forward would be far easier to dust off as distractions, partisanship, etc. The temporary delays to Obamacare show some sacrifice on his part, and his remedies will make it easy to create the illusion of the president being an actual leader, as opposed to pretending to be one. With public approval he has not enjoyed since he was first elected and a completely flummoxed opposition the president would have a much easier time pushing forward whatever his major agenda items are, such as punishing the poor with Cap and Trade, adding single payer to Obamacare, adding more tax increases and even more stimulus spending to throw out to his supporters, or simply opening our borders and allowing unconditional amnesty for all.
Yeah, I don’t see this happening either. Given what such a speech could lead to maybe it’s for the best that I don’t have a career in politics.
Cross posted from Brother Bob’s Blog
1 What, did you think I was going to have the president resign? If that sounds like a good idea then I ask that you to say aloud these two words: “President Biden”
pic via @Lisa_Nashville on Twitter
