The Babylon Bee
Thousands of women around the country are being forced to face a terrifying new reality in which they actually have to use one of the dozens of cheap, readily available methods of birth control In post-Roe America.
“For the first time, my habit of having unprotected sex with a different Tinder date every week to fill the empty hole in my soul may have consequences,” said local concerned woman Sandra Tibbensburg. “I can’t be bothered to stop at the gas station and pay three bucks for a pack of Trojans every time I go to a sleepover at a strange man’s house! This is literally The Handmaid’s Tale.”
Some women are even going further, taking the drastic step of avoiding sex altogether outside the bonds of marriage. “I can’t believe it has come to this point, but I may have to start being responsible with my body and relationships,” said another concerned woman. “My very humanity has been stripped away from me now that I can’t act like a sex-crazed animal. This is so scary.”
With the dangers of post-Roe America ever-present, many women are now demanding servants follow them around to feed them free birth control crushed up in applesauce on a spoon. “If we don’t do this, rights are dead in America,” said Tibbensburg.
That actually sums the situation up nicely. The left wants to pretend limited access to abortion and respect for life means and end to any way of life other than marriage. Absolutely not true; one simply has to take a bit more personal responsibility for their lives and actions.
The defeat of Roe liberates women to have the right to their own bodies, finally, after being imprisoned by an evil, demonic ideology that fooled them into thinking abortion was somehow a “right.”
Now the woman, and the child to be, are free.
A great victory for justice and morality, everywhere. No religion included, just the defeat of the Atheist Religion bent on brainwashing us all into their unintelligent cult.
So often hyperbolic satire makes the point better than argumentation.
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Rand Paul was interviewed by two guys from the Babylon Bee and it was one of the best interviews I’d seen from him in years! https://babylonbee.com/videos