by Jeff Childers
Yesterday, human mole and Ohio Governor Mike DeWine published a defensive op-ed in the New York Times headlined, “I’m the Republican Governor of Ohio. Here Is the Truth About Springfield.” As usual, the article delivered the opposite of what the headline promised.
DeWine began by admitting the curious fact he was born and raised in Springfield. Based on what’s happening there, DeWine doesn’t seem to like his hometown much. Maybe he was badly bullied as a child. Or, maybe he does love Springfield, but just wants to merge together his two favorite places.
DeWine then admitted that, okay, Springfield has a few problems. And those problems are called Donald J. Trump. Plus racists. Apart from that, Springfield is a halcyon habitat for hardworking Haitians, who are exactly like you and me except they used to live in Haiti, never drove a car before, believe in possessing spirits, and sometimes eat cats. Whoops! Strike that last.
What you racists fail to understand is that, before conducting midnight voodoo rituals, Haitians put their woven sandals on one at a time just like the rest of us. And even some Americans are embracing Haiti’s colorful religion, which, while it occasionally involves doing unspeakable things to innocent chickens, it also summons all sorts of fascinating spirits. Plus it involves zombies, and who doesn’t love the Walking Dead.
Mike DeWine, a platinum-level Haitian tourist, didn’t get to be Governor by accident.
All the other complaints are just logistics issues: teaching the Haitians how to speak English, how to drive cars, and how to apply for generous benefits programs using government-issued smartphones and taxpayer-funded internet services. These logistical problems aren’t the Haitians’ fault; according to DeWine, these problems are your responsibility. Because if you don’t accept the invastion, they will call you names and try to cancel you, to teach the rest of us to shut up.
Ohio Republicans: you’re getting what you voted for.
The “real” problem are the NGO’s that profit from bringing in illegals.
(Make no mitake, these Haitians are illegal as the two amnesty programs that joe “applied to them,” don’t apply to people in their circumstances.)
In Utah the Mormon Church is in all kinds of hot water over importing 30,000 illegals, claiming they each have “sponsors,” then dumping them into Utah’s welfare systems for food, clothing, shelter, health and schooling.
In Springfield OH it happens to be the MAYOR who is profiting!
He can charge the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT any rent amount he wants and joe will pay it.
He prefers that situation over renting to the people who’ve lived in his town for years.
So, he’s evicting old tenants and putting in Haitians.
On a side note, I have a very depressed neighbor, a teacher at Cottonwood high school.
So many of her new students speak no English that she’s considering doing something else for a career.
What w e don’t want area a bunch of Backwards heathens eating our Pets and setting up their living space in our Backyards