Jack Donovan:
I’ve been arguing against same-sex marriage since around 2005.
I’m not against same-sex marriage because I hate homosexual men, or because I don’t think they are capable of having long-term relationships. I’ve been with the same guy for 14 years.
The other day, I sat down to write “A Quick Guide to Trolling Gay Marriage.”
Who better than me? I’ve heard all of the arguments from gay marriage cheerleaders. I know what they’re going to say before they say it. I know they’re going to parrot completely ahistorical nonsense like “marriage is about LOVE” and it’s unfair and discriminatory to keep people who are “in LOVE” from getting married. I know that most of them are just going to regurgitate the same talking points about “rights and responsibilities” that gay rights advocates dreamed up and leaked into the sympathetic media – from MTV to MSNBC. Most of them don’t even know where their information comes from, or who generates it, or why they believe what they believe. It’s easy to push their buttons, because it’s an emotional issue. They’re plugged into the progressive hive mind, and gacked out on the melodrama of the “struggle for civil rights.” The idea of fighting for “equal rights” sounds noble and exciting and they’re all for it. They feel like Rosa Parks every time they update their Facebook profile to stand up for gay marriage, and who are we to deflate that kind of delusional self-importance?
Gay men want the option to GET married more than they want to BE married, and you’ll often find that the guys who talk about being “second class citizens” because they “can’t get legally married” have never had a relationship that lasted longer than three years, but they do manage to have semi-anonymous sex on a fairly regular basis. I’ve met a lot of homosexual men over the years, and the percentage of them who actually ARE in long-term, monogamous relationships is infinitesimally small. Probably smaller than the percentage of exclusive male homosexuals within the mainstream male population, which means less than 3-5%. If gay marriage is legalized, more young, foolish gay males will probably get hitched, but that doesn’t mean they will stay hitched. If half of straight couples get divorced, the percentage of gay male couples who get married and then divorce will surely be at least as high as their straight counterparts. So everyone is talking about “expanding” the institution of marriage to benefit 50% of 5% of 5% of the male population. With some insanely generous rounding, that’s what — maybe 200,000 dudes, including male children and senior citizens. (And, though you’d never know it here in the Beaver State, there are more exclusively homosexual men than women. More dykes will get married, though (because even butch girls like weddings) so let’s say all of this is about what might be good for 400,000 people out of 300 million.) There are always the supposed “psychological benefits” to the so-called LGBT community, but all of the government approval in the world won’t fix those nagging “daddy issues.” And the actual affects of “institutional discrimination” that sociology majors love to write about are always so darned difficult to quantify unless you ignore any politically incorrect variables. Like “daddy issues.”
So anyway, I sat down to write a quick, funny guide to trolling gay marriage. But it didn’t feel right. Because the truth is, I really don’t fucking care anymore.
In this, I believe I have my finger on the pulse of America’s “Silent Majority.” At least, the “Silent Majority” of American men. We think gay marriage is stupid, but we don’t fucking care anymore. If two faggots want to fight over who gets to wear the wedding gown – have the fuck at it.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. EVER.
Seriously, dudes. Knock yourselves the fuck out.
Gay marriage is stupid and offensive. It’s a grotesque mockery of traditional marriage and traditional religious values to the point of being completely Satanic. In fact, the High Priest of the Church of Satan was ahead of the curve on this. He’s been all for it for years. (I used to have friendly arguments with him and his wife about it, actually.)
Any given gay marriage won’t meaningfully effect anything, but symbolically, sanctioning gay marriage is like a Black Mass profaning heterosexuality and nature itself.
Gay men actually tend to have a dark, sophisticated sense of humor, and at least a few of them understand and enjoy the camp absurdity of gay marriage in the way they enjoy John Waters films.
The real net effect that gay marriage with have – that gay marriage is designed to have – on the general population is the further erosion and subversion of sex roles and gender norms.
But, in that case – what else is fucking new?
