Everything You Need to Know About #Occutards in Just Above Two Minutes

(Video here)

And there you have it. Anti-Semites, check. Socialists, check. Violent, check. Mildly to severely retarded, check.

Here’s a hint, twinkletoes: You’re not the 99%. You’re the 1% on the other end of the bell curve. The 1% who, quite frankly, makes His Imperial Majesty wonder if eugenics really is such a bad idea after all.

Briefly. Because we believe that everybody can be redeemed. Besides, you’re just the result of a couple of decades of intense, liberal brainwashing, something that was only allowed to occur because too many good people sat on their bloody arses and did nothing to stop it. We can’t really blame you for that.

So welcome to the Imperial Recovery Program. You’ll only have to roll up your sleeves and understand a few, basic concepts about how the real world outside of your parents’ basement works and then you, too, can become useful to humanity.

1) You’re not owed a damn thing by anybody until you’ve earned it. Just as you never found yourself owing the local Apple Store $5,000 until after you greedily grabbed every bloody gizmo in there and swept daddy’s credit card through the Magic Money Machine on the counter.

2) You don’t work, you don’t eat. A corollary to the above. Yes, we know that mom and dad served you food all day long as you were growing up and yes, we know that they had this wonderful magic pantry and ice box that kept themselves full at all times. Here’s a hint: It wasn’t fairy dust that filled them up.

Remember all those hours mom and dad spent away from home while you were sitting around moping about how they didn’t spend enough time appreciating the wonder that is you? You know what they were doing? They wereworking so that your ungrateful little arse could wander into the kitchen at all hours and find something to eat. Welcome to the real world. Now it’s your turn to keep the pantry and ice box full. You don’t have to like it, just as long as you understand that none of the rest of us have an obligation to feed you.

3) So you really want to work or, as the case might be, “work”, but you can’t find anybody wanting to employ somebody with the Master’s in Gender Studies that you wasted $100,000 acquiring because all of the otheruseful degrees had Math or something equally difficult in them? Time to recalibrate your expectations, then, because it isn’t anybody else’s job to feed your useless butt while you sit around waiting for a $200,000/year sinecure in Gender Studies to fall into your lap.