OK, I know that was a Buzzfeed-worthy clickbait headline, but I’m only half kidding. After years of The Radical Left hating various folks on the right from Dubya to Limbaugh, declaring even squishes like McCain and Romney to be “literally Hitler”, they have found their ultimate Emmanuel Goldstein in President Trump. Anything that Trump says or does, no matter how many Leftists should like, sends them into a fit of rage. For example, launching a global effort to end the criminalization of homosexuality should get nothing but cheers from Leftists, right? Wrong. Stating that he is president of America and not president of the world should have had every Leftist who marched in the streets to protest Dubya’s wars who magically disappeared somewhere around January 2009, returning to the streets to praise President Trump. Yeah, not so much. Recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capitol? OK, maybe not the best example with today’s Left.
And although not directly related to President Trump, we’ve seen a number of positive things that The Radical Left that has declared war on: Would you have guessed that the following things are now racist? Among many, the craziest I can think of off the top of my head include hard work, punctuality, and even math.
Which brings me to my point, and it’s so danged simple you’re going to smack your forehead for not thinking of this one first. President Trump can guarantee an electoral college win and even make winning the popular vote a very real possibility simply by speaking out in favor of… breathing. Yep, that’s it, as simple as that. Imagine what would happen the moment that our president called breathing “A very, very good thing”, and that Americans should make efforts to breathe more. What might the reaction look like?
Leftists would immediately declare breathing to be a horrible thing. We will learn that because black Americans only consume 14.6% of all oxygen consumed in America that breathing is racist. Even though men make up less than half of the population, I’m guessing that because men are more likely to work in jobs that involve physical exertion that they consume more than 50% of America’s oxygen – sexist. Within 48 hours the Climatologist cultists will declare that breathing leads to humans producing more CO2 and increases the rate of the Earth’s destruction. And while I can’t think of an angle for it, I’m sure that the LGBQWERTY crowd would find a reason to condemn breathing as well. Let’s not forget who else once consumed Oxygen – Hitler. That’s right, breathing makes you LITERALLY HITLER! And of course, the story wouldn’t be complete without some angle that Vladimir Putin is using Russian bots to promote a pro breathing agenda.
So how does this help President Trump? Simple. If you haven’t already seen it, given that Oxygen will become the newest enemy of all that is good, Leftists will declare war on breathing. They will encourage less oxygen consumption, eventually leading them to all kill themselves via some form of asphyxiation. The pro science crowd will finally get the last laugh in the argument over Darwinism. What will be left will be the population with at minimum the three brain cells needed to not reflexively shriek “ORANGE MAN HITLER!!!” every time Trump opens his mouth. Of course there will be a downside to this – we will lose most of our inner city baristas, and it will probably be impossible to find anyone to teach at universities the various “(Insert your grievance group) Studies” courses, and the market for blue hair dye will crater out.
The final impact of this is that roughly half of the country will die before election day, leading to a landslide victory for President Trump, along with super majorities in Congress, not to mention the down ballot effect of purging Democrats from destroying their jurisdictions at the state an local level. As Jimmy Buffett once said, “It was so damned simple like The Jitterbug it plum evaded me.”
Then again, as we have painfully learned Leftinsts won’t be deterred from voting beyond the realms of death. And while this was a story you might have missed, John Roberts has already declared Joe Biden the winner of Pennsylvania. So maybe my idea won’t quite work as hoped, but wouldn’t it be fun to watch?
I’ve never seen the 2020 left summed up better than I have here. Also, I’m sorry for this. pic.twitter.com/e5i8WiMbpc
— Brandon Morse (@TheBrandonMorse) October 19, 2020
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Cross posted from Brother Bob’s Blog
