Knowing How To Survive Winter

America is much safer with Janet Napolitano in charge of Homeland Security. Taking advantage of the Nanny State Philosophy being imposed upon America, she can now advise us on how to survive the inevitable winter storms we are experiencing because of Climate Change with its myriad and unpredictable weather patterns.

Whether we are willing to admit it or not, America is experiencing winter, and with winter we must be willing to admit the possibility of winter storms, but don’t despair, Janet, like the perpetual den mother who is concerned with her children, has now advised us on how to deal with winter, through Twitter:

During Winter Storms and Extreme Cold

– Stay indoors during the storm.

– Walk carefully on snow, icy, walkways.

– Avoid overexterion when shoveling snow. Overexertion can bring on a hear attack–a major cause of death in the winter. If you must shovel snow, stretch before going outside.

– Keep dry. Change wet clothing frequently to prevent a loss of body heat. Wet clothing loses all of its insulating value and transmits heat rapidly.

– Watch for signs of frostbite. These include loss of feeling and white or pale appearance in extremities such as fingers, toes, ear lobes, and the tip of the nose. If symptoms are detected, get medical help immediately.

– Watch for signs of hypothermia. These include uncontrollable shivering, memory loss, disorientation, incoherence, slurred speech, drowsiness, and apparent exhaustion. If symptoms of hypothermia are detected, get the victim to a warm location, remove wet clothing, warm the center of the body first and give warm, non-alcoholic beverages if the victim is conscious. Get medical help as soon as possible.

It is amazing, in this day and age of government buffoonery and incompetence, we still have someone with the presence of mind to advise us on common sense. The brilliance of advising the public to stay indoors during winter storms reflects sheer genius in the pure simplicity of the message.

With someone to advise us to walk carefully over ice and snow, we will all be much safer.

What would we do if we didn’t have someone to tell us not to exert ourselves while shoveling snow.

Frostbite is another problem, Homeland Security now has taken on the responsibility of letting us be aware of the danger of frostbite and hypothermia; it is truly amazing, we persevered as a country for over two hundred years without a Department of Homeland Security.

I would like to offer a little more advice to those who must venture out to face winter: don’t crawl in the carcass of a freshly butchered moose to escape the fifty below.

If you must shovel snow from the peak of your cabin roof to get to the door with a snowshoe, make sure to have a roll of birch bark with the kindling to get a good fire going fast.

If your snowmobile slides slowly into a deep lake, make sure to pull off enough stuff to survive before it disappears.

Delivering a baby in the middle of a river when your sleigh has broke through the ice and your horses are lungeing in the traces is difficult, but not impossible.

In case you break through the ice of a creek that froze while in flood and find yourself twenty feet below ceiling of ice, make sure you have a means to escape before you and your imagination meet the devil.

It’s doubtful you will ever need this extra advice on surviving extreme winter conditions, but it is much more entertaining.