I am a conservative and admittedly long past the age of maturity where I would be competing for floor space with these dudes but there is something decidedly wrong with carrying the title “prince” here in the United States; yet, nevertheless, a glossy ad-on fashion picture magazine of the New York Post has a spread on “The Fresh Princes of NY”. This challenges my ethics because never being introduced to any of these guys would I address them by their royal title. The notion of breaking ranks and asking Prince Amedeo to shoot a game of 8-Ball just seems ludicrous. What is problematic, after witnessing a U.S. President almost break his back bowing to the Mikado of Japan and bend and kiss the ring of a Saudi Arabian King, the notion of subterfuge and servitude is the plausible reaction of many Americans when confronted by royalty. It is one thing for a prince to visit this country, pass through Customs and register at a hotel using his royal nominar, it is all together different coming here, signing a lease and staying awhile while pulling rank in public using the term “Prince”.
These dudes (not dukes) are here because the places they supposedly represent don’t offer the stuff this country offers. Let’s begin with “Prince Demitri of Yugoslavia” (aka: Jimmy the Yugo) who at 52, for reasons personal to his own mystery, still has not found Miss, Ms, or Mrs. Ex Right. His bio says he swapped living in Versailles (green lawns of the Royal Palace of France) for a two bedroom flat in Sutton Place. Being a socialist bent newspaper the New York Times claims Dimmie has “noble forebears” whose photographs and painting surround his posh eastside digs. As a contribution to our well being he vends “one-of-a-kind jewels” at a salon on 57th Street, “Stop the train – Strike-up the band” we gotta winner. Since the communist dictator Tito dissolved all royal claims I didn’t think Yugoslavia still had guys cruising the night spots calling themselves “Prince”; plus, with bombed out Kosovo as part of Yugoslavia would it not be a betterment that that country profit by having some one-of-a-kind jewels.
This dude can’t lose; he is Prince Andrea Casiraghi of Monaco. This young spark is second in line to Monte’ Carlo where if you don’t know baccarat you’ll never get out alive. For our good fortune he is “one of the World’s Most Beautiful People” dating a Columbian beer heiress while skateboarding around Soho-Tribeca. Next, this one won’t be delivering pizza on his bike soon, is Prince Lorenzo of Italy a descendent to Princess Paulina d’Bonaparte’; ergo, this guy can dress up like Napoleon while really filling in the part. Getting back to the Balkans, that beautiful area of perpetual bloodshed, there resides among us here Prince Peter of Serbia whose forebears include Prinze Ferdinaud who being assassinated in Sarajevo started World War One. Just in case he has to flee to better groundings he also speaks Spanish and French but back in Belgrade has to use his hand signs to order a beer. My favorite member of the cast was really born with a silver spoon in his mouth; known around town as “Two Spoons” it is Prince Phillippos of Greece and Denmark who puts his time in refusing to don a NY Giants jersey while he betters his preference for English football as he tools around town hooking onto starlets attending film screenings. But, nevertheless, here in “Thertie-Terd an Terd Nev Yawk Cittie” I have got to check my spell-check function improved because there is Prince Amedeo Marie (don’t call me “Mary”) Joseph Carl Pierre Phillippe Paola (like “Payola”) Marcus d’Aviano et d’Este en Belgique who according to the profile is into marathon running which with a name like that I would be running too.
Okay, I admit it, I’m jealous, I too want a risk free gilded existence and I do wish these fellas all the best wherever they may be; but, still, my concern is the taint of monarchy on my beloved country. There exists here, perhaps it‘s a holdover from our earlier colonial history, an element in our general population that wants to kneel before superiors as in royalty. Just look at the Kennedy phenomenon, whenever some hack journalist needs quick cash he/she just collects all the other books for a cut and paste job and re-writes another tome excusing Chappaquiddick. My concern is that when the media types get fed up with the same-ole-same-ole leftish tripe they will turn to peddling wishful thinking luring gullible people to follow them to Camelot. Conservatives must resist this temptation because I firmly believe Marxists and Royalists sleep in the same bed with the same medieval feudalistic objectives.