Airport Security Screening to Become More… “Intimate”

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The experience of traveling by airplane in America has been on a slow steady decline for many years. From customer service issues, to overbooking, flight delays, and cancellations, etc flying has become a less and less enjoyable experience.

Just when it appeared that things had reached an all time low, the the events of 9/11, terror threats, and the BVD bomber enter the picture.

Speaking of pictures, many airports in the US now have newly installed backscatter scanners which enable the security screener to see you…all of you…right through your clothing.

Of course, if you’re not thrilled with the idea of a gov’t employee, a perfect stranger, using technology to see you naked…virtually…then you can opt out, choosing instead a more ahem…”hands on”…approach.

Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic shares his experience.

I wonder if he was offered a cigarette afterwords.

At BWI, I told the officer who directed me to the back-scatter that I preferred a pat-down. I did this in order to see how effective the manual search would be. When I made this request, a number of TSA officers, to my surprise, began laughing. I asked why. One of them — the one who would eventually conduct my pat-down — said that the rules were changing shortly, and that I would soon understand why the back-scatter was preferable to the manual search. I asked him if the new guidelines included a cavity search. “No way. You think Congress would allow that?”

I answered, “If you’re a terrorist, you’re going to hide your weapons in your anus or your vagina.” He blushed when I said “vagina.”

“Yes, but starting tomorrow, we’re going to start searching your crotchal area” — this is the word he used, “crotchal” — and you’re not going to like it.”

“What am I not going to like?” I asked.

“We have to search up your thighs and between your legs until we meet resistance,” he explained.

“Resistance?” I asked.

“Your testicles,” he explained.

‘That’s funny,” I said, “because ‘The Resistance’ is the actual name I’ve given to my testicles…”

The pat-down at BWI was fairly vigorous, by the usual tame standards of the TSA, but it was nothing like the one I received the next day at T.F. Green in Providence. Apparently, I was the very first passenger to ask to opt-out of back-scatter imaging. Several TSA officers heard me choose the pat-down, and they reacted in a way meant to make the ordinary passenger feel very badly about his decision. One officer said to a colleague who was obviously going to be assigned to me, “Get new gloves, man, you’re going to need them where you’re going.”

Perhaps, since they’re going to be in the neighborhood, the TSA should be trained to screen for testicular cancer as well.

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An interesting point, the screeners must need continual reminders of Left and Right directions because it is printed on each picture. Does this indicate the intelligence level of our Homeland Security employees or does practice make perfect?

Judging from the wit and competence level of Napolitano, it is easy to see why she is apprehensive about hiring intelligent people or at least people with more ability than her; unfortunately, with her the bar is set so low that we can hardly expect more than remedial level HS employees.

Here’s how it works when you’re a private pilot:

After driving to your local airport, you park your car at the FBO [Fixed Base Operator] and walk 100′ to the “terminal” (e.g. the lobby of the FBO). There, your passengers can sit on a leather sofa and watch the wide screen TV while you check the weather and file your flight plan. Either that, or they can grab a snack and a cold drink from the vending machines.

When it’s time to go, you simply walk out to your aircraft. No cattle chutes, no pat downs. no TSA drones rifling through your personal belongings. You fire up, go through your checklists, and off you go to wherever you want.

Landing at your destination, a line-person will meet your aircraft – even a humble little Cessna – welcome you, and ask if there’s anything you need. Inside the FBO at your destination, there is usually a car rental person right there. If not, a local rental agency will have a car waiting for you and leave the keys at the FBO desk if you call ahead.

So when flying, if you prefer being treated like royalty rather than cattle, you’re going to have to earn your pilots license.

I like the idea of flying myself around, but in the meantime, I’m refusing to fly. Anywhere. I don’t have to travel long distances except for a fun flight to Vegas or something, so now I’m not even doing that. I’ll take more time off and drive or just not take the trip.

The TSA is out of control PC. The harrass the regular folks and go out of their way not to identify the people most likely to commit these acts.

You win big stupid Government. You win. I refuse the indigity of their security measures. Always solving the last issue ( wrongly ) and overlooking the next.

I’m much more okay with this than I am with the government reading my email, etc… gives me a reason to keep going to the gym!

Half the population has a penis. Mine is no more unique than anyone else’s. If letting someone see it in order to show I don’t have a bomb gets me to see someone I love, I really have nothing to be ashamed of. It looks pretty much like any other male’s.

When time is not critical I like travel by train regardless of the distance. I can get close enough to anywhere and rent a car and get my business done. Flying Commercial is a hassle as John Cooper pretty much summed up here in keen fashion. I have flown on Charter flights without anywhere near the mischief and nonsense that the TSA enjoys performing.

Skookum is correct on the incompetence of the Napolitano Homeland Security Posse. If I need my underwear sniffed, my luggage rifled through like a burglary or a mugging I will fly Commercial.

Otherwise train travel works fine for me and is a class act.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dssiu8guuuU&feature=fvw

@Old Trooper 2:

Oh, I agree that flying is a pain in the you know what, luckily my family is 5 hours via bus and 8 hours via train. And while it takes longer, the train is much more comfortable. Now, if I want to see my pals in Los Angeles, that’s an entire week on the bus from New York that I could be spending with them. If I had the luxury of time, I’d totally do it, as I love the scenery in “fly over” country, but that’s pretty close to impossible for me. So, I’ll just have to stay in shape! 😆

Have some fun with them, slip a Banana down there before you get to the gate. Then use the scanner…… give em something to go WOW! about!! LOL!!!! :mrgreen:

@Old Trooper 2:

I love going on the train. California Zephyr gets me to Grandby, CO and my family picks me up there for the last leg of the journey. Just before we go through that big tunnel in the mountain, don’t know if it’s the engineer or someone else, they say “DO NOT OPEN THE DOORS WHILE GOING THROUGH THE TUNNEL.” Guess what, someone always does and the diesel smell gets sucked in through the whole car….happens every single time. 🙄 Other than that, I love traveling by train.

Would love to do that train ride across Canada before my end.

@ Missy, Train travel is a grand American tradition. You get countryside close up, if you select the right accommodations instead of coach, it can be a great ride as opposed to cramped quarters on an airliner. I have traveled on trains in the US, Canada, Europe and prefer it. It is very civilized when crossing borders in Europe as opposed to arriving by air and going through Customs.

I fly Military out and into Mountain Home AFB in Idaho on a Military commuter jet at times and that is good but I thoroughly enjoy train travel. A few months back I went to Canada to buy some stock and traveled both ways by train. I highly recommend it if your schedule permits. So far no terrorist attacks on trains here and my Federal Concealed weapons Permit is honored. It is just a really classy way to get from point A to point B without the hassle.

A rail trip through Canada is an adventure and I view it as a treat to the eye and senses.

OLD TROOPER 2: you are giving me a taste to travel by train, I would really enjoy the trip myself.
as you say, the scenery is so nice to experience while sitting comfortably and leave the wheel
to the expert. bye

MISSY: hi, HOPE your daughter’s condition is IMPROVING, best to you.