Some Advice For Paris Hilton

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Being a cop I love Reno 911.  It’s a good thing  to make fun of yourself every once in awhile and no one does it better then these guys, except maybe Super Troopers. 

Well, one of the characters from Reno 911 has issued a letter to Paris Hilton with some tips on her stay in jail.  This comes Clementine Johnson:

To Paris:

"I’ve recently been asked to give "Survival in the Slammer" tips to someone named Paris Hilton. I’m not sure who this is … is she related to Lawrence Hilton Jacobs from "Welcome Back Kotter?" I guess it doesn’t matter.

It’s important to remember that a cavity search has nothing to do with your teeth. However, a "lady" will be looking in your various nooks and crannies for contraband (drugs, weapons, etc.) That doesn’t mean you can’t keep other things in your cavities like candy or shampoo, but contraband will be confiscated. This procedure will not be videotaped unless you specifically request it.

Since you’ll be staying in the "Special Needs Section" of the prison (and I’m not sure if this means you’re important or retarded), think of your cell as a special VIP club that only you can get into. Maybe Red Bull will sponsor it!

Getting out of jail is like getting out of a full body cast; it feels great, but you’ll be stinky and hairy when you emerge. It’s not uncommon for women getting out of prison to leave with a full goatee and unibrow, not to mention a "shag carpet." Some nice inmate will probably offer to play beauty salon with you and give you a Brazilian bikini wax, but trust me, you won’t like the results.

Oh! And when the guards give you attitude, put them in their place by reminding them that your taxes pay their salary, so technically you’re their boss. Believe me — public servants never get sick of hearing that! I know I don’t.

That is all.

Have a Clemtastic time!

Deputy Clementine Johnson
Reno 911!

 I just have to add a scene from Super Troopers here….can’t help myself: (language warning)

UPDATE

Must….stop….posting….Super….Trooper….video’s:

 

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“Who wants a mustache ride?”

“I vant vone!”

Super Troopers rules!

Reno 911 has sucked balls since the third season.
This season was horrible…

littering and,,,, littering and…..

Super Troopers rocks,,
did anyone see Reno 911 the movie????
just wondered if it’s any good..

Reno 911: Miami was actually pretty funny.

It definitely deserved the “R” rating.