Stupid Criminals

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Since I’m a cop I thought I would post a bit about some recent stupid criminals

Here’s one who is obvioulsy a neat freak:

RICHMOND, Va. – A woman’s apartment was cleaned out, and cleaned up by a burglar, police said. According to police, the woman returned home Thursday after being away for a week and discovered her television, computer and other items missing. The burglar had also helped himself to food and booze.

But this was not a thoughtless thief. Police said the rear sliding glass
door, which the woman had left open, was closed and locked when she returned. In addition, “clothes and dishes had been washed and dried,” according to the police report.

Police Capt. Karl Leonard said it’s possible the burglar knew the woman was going to be gone for a while and may have decided to take up residence in the interim.

They probably didn’t want to stay in a dirty apartment,’ said Leonard, calling the case “very, very unusual.”

“We’ve had burglaries in the past where people have fixed themselves a sandwich,” he added. “But nobody’s ever done the wash.”

Another doozie:

An unidentified bozo walked into a convenience store armed with a pellet gun and wearing a mask of the Disney dog, Pluto. After the clerk stopped laughing, he asked our bozo if he planned to shoot him with a pellet gun if he didn’t give him money. Our bozo simply shrugged and left, empty-handed.

Guess he needed his fix real fast:

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kingsland, Georgia where
bozo Eddie Hall went shopping at the local K-Mart, picking up a Coleman Lantern and various over the counter items from the pharmacy department. Then, instead of heading to the checkout area, he took all the items into the men’s restroom, which attracted the attention of a security guard. Since it was nearing closing
time, and since he been in there a long time, the guard decided to go in and check on him. He caught our bozo in the process of setting up a methamphetamine lab…in the K-Mart restroom. He’s under arrest.


This guy has to be a lefty:

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Intergalactic File. From Toronto, Canada comes the story of bozo Rene Joly, who brought a lawsuit against the Canadian Minister of Defense, Citibank, and several doctors, dentists, hospitals and drug store chains, claiming they are all part of a plot by the United States Government to murder him. Because he’s from Mars. He says he was cloned from Martian genetic material recovered by NASA in the ’60’s. He can’t prove it, though, because records of DNA tests performed on him have been falsified, or so
he claims. The judge dismissed his case by saying that since our bozo was not human, he had no status before the court, which is exclusively for earthlings.

My very own recent one was two guys we arrested for trying to cash a forged check. When we caught them at the bank they point out the car drove up in and sure enough…the car comes back stolen. Not only that but some more of the same checks are in it. There is also a bag in it with some business cards, so we call the number and she tells us that the bag was in her car that was stolen last night….a differnt one then the one they drove up in today. We go by one of the suspects house and find the other stolen car a few blocks north.

I’m telling ya, if criminals were smart we would be outta business.