WASHINGTON — Is your workplace getting shot up by a crazed gunman?
No problem — just grab a pair of scissors and fight back!
That’s some of the helpful advice in a new instructional video from the Department of Homeland Security that was posted on the agency’s Web site just a month after the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut.
“If you are caught out in the open and cannot conceal yourself or take cover, you might consider trying to overpower the shooter with whatever means are available,” says the narrator in the video, which shows an office worker pulling scissors out of a desk drawer.
The video, titled “Options for Consideration,” also advises that people who get caught in an “active shooter” situation should run away, hide under a desk or take cover out of the line of fire.
The nearly four-minute-long video opens with chilling scenes from the 2007 Virginia Tech massacre, the 2009 mass shooting at Fort Hood in Texas, and the 2011 attempted assassination of Gabrielle Giffords.
But the video quickly shifts to hokey footage of office workers scampering under desks, crouching in corners and racing into closets to hide from a rampaging gunman on the loose.
“To protect your hiding place, lock the door if you can. Block the door with heavy furniture,” recommends the male narrator, speaking in measured, authoritative tones.
Other survival strategies promoted in the video include hiding “behind large items such as cabinets or desks. Remain quiet. Silence your cellphone or pager. Even the vibration setting can give away a hiding position.”
Richard Feldman, president of the Independent Firearm Owners Association, said he has a better option for consideration than a pair of scissors when confronting an armed mass murderer — a legal firearm.
“That’s why I prefer a gun, and I usually do carry a gun when it is lawful to do so,” said Feldman. “Clearly, you use whatever you can” to fight for your life, he said.
So if scissors are all you’ve got, grab them by all means.
Mishuggenah..
Everybody knows rocks beat scissors!!!
Just make sure you have a desk drawer full of rocks when you need them!…preferably .40 caliber rocks, or bigger.
Oy, es mir gevaldt!
@Kalashnikat:
Perhaps someone could rework the lyrics to You Brought A Knife To A Gunfight
“You Brought Scissors To A Gunfight”
… I was on my feet in a heartbeat
Outnumbered twenty to one
Some lame bureaucrat pulled scissors on me
It’s time to get it on
Stand up, load up, and fire away now
If you think you’ve got a chance take a stab now
I’ve got a, a bullet, with your name on
If you think you’ve got a chance take a stab son
You brought scissors to a gunfight
So f##k you
I just don’t care about money
I’ve been ripped off all my life
I ain’t scared of you sonny
It’s not the first time I’ve seen a knife
And so the story goes there’s a lesson to be learned …
@Kalashnikat: #1
Actually, instead of rocks, you could have a drawer full of refined Galena ore, carefully formed into shapes suitable for use against crazy gunmen.
My boss is armed, and has no problem with the rest of us who work in the office being armed. I really doubt that any crazy ex-employee will want to return and commit mayhem. Because all of our crazy ex-employees know that our office is most definitely not a “Gun Free Zone”.
The worst that will happen is a bit of temporary hearing loss, and some carpet cleaning.
If you hang out in “Gun Free” areas, there should be no problems.
If a bad guy pulls a weapon, explain to him he is in violation of a gun free area and the problem will be nipped in the bud.
Look out, Onion!
You have competition.
[The Onion is a marvelous satirical magazine, in case you didn’t know.]
Someone else brings a gun. You bring scissors?
What kind? The safe ones for child use, made of plastic, with no points?
I’m with the late (great) Art Buchwald here. You can’t make this stuff up!
Good news everyone! We can reduce the cost of our military with confidence. Our new Sec. of State has declared the middle east and north Africa a gun free zone. There is serious considerations to also banning sissors and other lethal weapons.
I plan to use a 16 ton weight. 😉
@Jim S: #7
As long as you’re not Wil E. Coyote it should work well.
Make sure you post the video. Worth watching.