Sunday Funnies contains 66 photos.
“A woman in Southern California pepper sprayed her fellow customers on Black Friday at Wal-Mart so she could get an advantage while shopping. But the good news is, today she was offered a job with the UC Davis police department.” –Jay Leno
“The Christmas season has officially started. Today I saw Herman Cain wearing his mistletoe belt buckle.” –Jay Leno
Sunday Funnies contains 35 photos.
P.E.T.A. says that turkeys are now so fat, they can’t stand up. They’re prone to heart attacks, and they have trouble mating. No, I’m sorry. That’s what the turkeys say about us. -Jay Leno
Officials in New York City have arrested an al-Qaida sympathizer for allegedly planning a terrorist attack. You know, I hope al-Qaida gets the message. If we want to be terrorized over Thanksgiving, we have our relatives come visit us. -Jay Leno
Sunday Funnies contains 51 photos.
Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.”–Dylan Brody
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, “Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.”–Jay Leno
Sunday Funnies contains 102 photos.
“You know what you call a Democrat who makes as many verbal gaffes as Rick Perry? Vice president.” –Jay Leno
“A guy named Reggie Love leaving the White House to get a degree at the Wharton School of Business. I guess he realized you can’t learn anything about economics in the Obama White House.” –Jay Leno
Sunday Funnies contains 63 photos.
David Letterman’s “Top Ten Things The Candidate Doesn’t Want To Hear On Election Day”
10. ‘What? The election is today?’
9. ‘You need to sober up for your concession speech’
8. ‘You’re running for office? That’s hilarious!’
7. ‘There he is. Get him!’
6. ‘Your wife and your mistress are both here to see you’
5. ‘You’re losing the red states and the blue states, but you’re doing okay in the lesser-known yellow states’
4. ‘If pets are allowed to vote, I think we have a shot at this thing’
3. ‘The only endorsements we’ve got: Sylvio Berlusconi and Conrad Murray’
2. ‘Asteroid! Run for your lives!’
1. ‘Gloria Allred, Line 1′
Sunday Funnies contains 86 photos.
“A team of British lawyers has now concluded that the Declaration of Independence was illegal, and the American colonies had no right to secede from England. Well, you thought our court system was backed up.” –Jay Leno
Sunday Funnies contains 74 photos.
According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent. -Jay Leno
Sunday Funnies contains 50 photos.
If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
Sunday Funnies contains 71 photos.
“White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley announced he’ll be leaving the White House after the election. I get the feeling a lot of people are going to be leaving the White House after the election.” –Jay Leno
“Warren Buffett’s company reportedly owes the IRS a billion dollars in back taxes. When he said he wasn’t paying enough taxes, he wasn’t kidding.” –Jay Leno
“The Occupy Wall Street protests continue to grow. They’ve started to attract a very unsavory element – celebrities.” –Craig Ferguson
Sunday Funnies contains 74 photos.
“Two Americans won the Nobel Prize for economics. That’s like the Chinese winning for child day care.” –Jay Leno